I feel like my heart is changing.
I took a break from social media this past week just to clear my head. I've done this several times, each bringing new realizations.
I'm continually learning that it's a hard place for me to be sometimes. as much as I'd love to say I don't compare myself to everything I see, that's not 100% true.
but not just that. I'm learning that the more active I am on Instagram, the more I feel this PUSH PUSH PUSH to do more and more and more. when I just stop logging on for a week, I don't feel that way.
when did I become this way?
when did I start feeling like I have to be pushing so hard all the time? I know I've posted about this before and risk sounding like a broken record, but there's got to be another way without so much hustle all the time.
a way that still feels organic and true.
I have tried planning out posts in advance just to keep "consistency" and "relevancy," posting every day to stay up on my followers newsfeeds where you'd see my stuff even if I have nothing new to post daily - because it was already all typed out. hash-tagging the max number of hashtags allowed to hopefully gain some new followers. liking and commenting and engaging with others. you know, the “best practices.”
I've also tried posting one day at a time, as I go, with whatever I’m doing that’s “cohesive", “relevant,” or “on-brand,” and EVERY time I use this method, I get sucked back into that same old mindset of never being enough, doing enough, gaining enough ground.
there has to be something in the middle.
I work in social media at my day job, and I've read about this for years. I understand that the *algorithm* works for those who work it - but what about those who seriously do 👏 not 👏 have 👏 time 👏 ?
what about those who work a full-time job, who are busy parenting, who want to live more life offline than on?
and at what point did I start caring more about the aesthetic on my profile and the likes on each post than the life I'm living and the work I'm creating in the real world?
these are the questions I've been reflecting on, and while I could trace back through time to all the thoughts, decisions, and circumstances that lead me here, I will just skip all that and get to the conclusions I've made.
I am an artist, and as much as I love to figure things out, trying to keep up with the algorithm has never been healthy for my mind or my soul.
trying to post everyday to stay consistent/relevant isn’t always conducive with my inspiration, schedule, life, or anything else for that matter.
I am a human, I’m not a business. *duh*, yes I know. but I don’t feel like following a marketing schedule or plan. I feel like telling you about something when I’m excited about it, sharing a picture while I’m working on it. I don’t feel like meeting deadlines and scheduling stuff in advance. it doesn’t feel true to me.
I created this space (caitlininprogress) to experiment with all of these things. to truly be in progress on my journey and finding my own way, and document all the twists and turns. and you know what I just did? I got back into my old hustle mindset, the one that makes me prioritize “business” strategy over real life stuff that’s happening over here. this. is. bad.
I love the community aspects of Instagram, staying connected to people I’ve met and people I never will, so I’ve been brainstorming ways to capitalize more on that positive effect without letting the negative effects get such a mighty grip on me.
but overall, I don’t want Instagram to have such an impact on me and my mental health, inspiration, and just life in general. I really don’t.
so.
this is caitlin [in progress] here, telling you where i’m at in my head right now.
i’ve decided to say “screw the algorithm” and post what I want, when I want, how I want. i’m not going to worry about likes and followers or sales in the shop.
because at the end of the day, I know that being an artist isn’t an end goal or a certain checkpoint/milestone/number of followers/figure in the bank account.
it’s a way of life.
♥